I’d like to share a short experience.
I love it when God does a work in the hearts of His people!
As you may have read in other posts I have really felt a calling in my heart to draw closer to the LORD through prayer, reading His Word, gaining all I can from messages given at church, many ways! Now, more than ever, I feel my need for a closer walk with Him. And I’ve done my best to respond to that call. Though, I know I need to continue to work harder and keep that zeal alive in my heart. And do more for the LORD.
In this time that I’ve been seeking Him more, God has given me a little experience. I hate using words like ‘small’ or ‘little’ when it comes to the things of God. Because with God nothing is little or small or too big. To you it may seem like a little thing, but to me its a great deliverance!
Something you should know about me is I’m a very paranoid person. I’m always thinking about these horrible and terrible scenarios. Just totally absurd thoughts. Tragic things happening to my children, husband, family members. And I just play out these crazy thoughts in my head. Like a horrible disaster movie where bad thing after bad thing happens and it just leaves you feeling depressed and scared after watching it. Well, that’s a bit of what goes on in my head.
Except it’s not just every-so-often these thoughts come. It’s not once a month, every couple weeks, or even once a week. It’s every…single…night. For months this was happening. I will toss and turn thinking and imagining. Sometimes I would wake in the night with these paranoid, fearful thoughts.
BUT GOD! Has put a deeper calling on my life. I’ve made a great effort to begin reading my Bible every day this year, which will result in reading the Bible through cover to cover. And ever since I’ve been reading the Bible I haven’t had one fearful thought! Glory be to God!
I feel like Joseph, in the book of Genesis after he is done interpreting the dreams for Pharaoh, when he says in Genesis 41:16 “It is not in me: God shall give…” It wasn’t anything that Joseph did, BUT GOD did it for him. And that’s how I feel! I didn’t do this. I couldn’t have done this. I tried for so long to gain control over my thoughts. I would quote scriptures, sing Godly songs. And yet, the only victory I would get over it would be falling asleep. But it’s been weeks since a thought of fear has entered my mind. That could have only been God!
And it’s not that I had this sudden epiphany or read this extremely powerful scripture verse that just miraculously made it all click and fix things for me. Though, I do certainly believe that could have happened! In fact, I think that’s what I was expecting. I’d be sitting reading my Bible and then it would happen. It would just hit and click. All around me would light up. And my hair would begin blowing back perfectly with a rush of wind. You’d hear the choir of angels sing! And I’d be healed from my spirit of fear! I was really expecting that! Okay, I dramatized that a bit, but something along those lines.
(I’m certainly not making light of that. Because I really believe God can instantly heal people of conditions; mental, physical, and spiritual.)
But that’s not how it was. It was simple. I just began filling myself with MORE OF GOD! Something amazing happens when you empty yourself of yourself and begin to fill yourself back up with God. Christ begins to move on your behalf. And you will start to see changes. You’ll begin to have deliverance from things that have been burdening you.
Christ said in Matthew 11:28-30 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Do you think God wanted me to have that spirit of fear in my life? No! But I think He wanted me to be more full of Him. To start making Him a priority in my life instead of secondary. And sometimes He wasn’t even secondary to me. And if I’m full of Christ do you think I’ll be carrying around nonsense burdens? No! Christ has already bore those burdens for me. We just need to give it all to Him. Start emptying yourself of your wants and desires and begin to let Christ come in and fill you up.
I’m not saying I’ll never struggle with being fearful again. I’m a mom so I think a lot of it is just natural. But that’s where God comes in. I need to start getting rid of the things that put those fearful thoughts in my head. Maybe it’s some intense TV show I watch. Empty it from my life. Then, fill that up with Christ! Fill myself up with Christ and claim the victory over it!
God is so good! I understand now how David felt in writing the Psalms. He was so full of praise. I, too, want to be full of praise for my God!
And I just want to end this with a verse in Genesis 32:10 when Jacob is praying to God he says “I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies.” And that’s how I feel. I’m not worthy of His mercies and of His goodness! But He’s faithful! His mercies are new every morning! He wants to see us have victory over the burdens we have in our lives! He hasn’t asked us to carry those things but He said “Just give them to me!” Fill yourself up with Christ and He will fill you up with good things!